a little space i call my own

loneliness, what is it

it's that point of the day again. where all the lights are off. almost all. the street lights are on though. my hair is wet. my eye lids are closing. there's hardly any sound, except this keyboard of mine, the techno from the headphones to my ears and perhaps, the blades of the fan. everything else stood still. too still.

it's the wee hours of a thursday morning. thinking. should i catch the "LIVE" coverage of Real Madrid v Bayern Munich? or maybe not. lesson don't start as early. but i was hoping to be able to get up early and complete something perhaps. anything.

but i can't sleep now. the hair's wet. watching as the minutes ticked past. listening to some lame dj playing their technos.

thinking. how's the day today? bitched around? haha. filled with crap. had to face some people's attitude, facial expressions and of course, their tone of speech. didn't do much except to complete my Economics project which was relatively easy.

just closed several msn chat boxes and the beeping of the msn messenger stopped. was rather not used to it. but it did stopped. and i had to get used to it. somehow. saw a couple of people still there. but there was this "busy", "away", or "be right back". i don't know if it's true. but i felt that it would be better if i just kept quiet. haha.

of all the things i chose to do now is to look through my msn and hear my technos. haha. stupidity it may seem. indeed.

a couple of nicks caught my attention. i felt like talking to them. but i didn't. instead i do it here. i don't know why. but just hope that those people might see it here. i just didn't want to type to a "real" person. this is just nice. perhaps when i am in one of those "chatty" mood, i'd talk.

sometimes, i wanted to talk to you. but you were always offline, busy or simply away for whatever reason which i don't care. if not, i would type a "hihi", "hey", and of course, no response. and i waited. damn dumb right?

perhaps i should just go find something better to do. go fly a kite or something. haha.

vrrroooom. a motorbike just went past the expressway just beside the block which i have been taking refuge in.

i need to get things done. i want to do things i am not capable of doing. but too bad, everyone know i am a loser. i don't do things well. and i lack of this element, confidence.

simply, i suck with a capital S.

i am going to die on the 12th September, 2007. =)

haha.

whatever "lah".

nitez.

take care.

ciaoz~

if things weren't so complicated, why must the opposite be simple?