a little space i call my own

just something before christmas

(listening to: 梁文音 - 三个愿望)



and maybe something on christmas or after christmas
and hope that santa may be so kind as to provide me with three wishes
so that i can pass it on
it's always good to share the love a.k.a sharing is caring
so if you want good mandarin voices this christmas, she may be suitable
for other occasions
i don't know
perhaps, and just perhaps
joeeeeeyyyyyy?
canto?
rayyymonnnddddd?

and the rain keeps falling
big, then small, then big again, then small again
with sunshine, without sunshine, with clouds, without clouds
clear blue sky also can rain, wonderful weather isn't it?

my life is an empty sheet
tabula rasa
it seems blank
with no stories, no labels or titles to identify it

i cannot tell someone how my life has been
as if i haven't lived any
but i'm fine with the way it is
i'm not happy, i'm just empty

but that's okay
i still have goals in life
and love being random
just randomly typing what i can ever think of

no specifics
no details
no strings attached
just thoughts
super random thoughts
perhaps that's not what the internet blog spaces desires
but here it is

just a little bit of me

i'm not allowed to be disappointed
because not one hundred percent effort has been put in
but effort i admit, i had put in
and results ain't that bad, but not satisfying either

when you look below you
you feel better
because you see people worse than you

when you look above
you feel inferior
people are up there above you
pushing their way upwards
and making you feel smaller

and one must do something about it

like i am feeling cold just in my grey army vest and black shorts
with the gentle drizzle just right outside
the fan spinning at number three
i pull the blanket towards me
and that's all the effort i put in
others may walk to the kitchen, a cup of hot tea, then cuddle in the blanket
and if that's one hundred percent, i'm far far away

that's how i feel...

(i did make the effort)

(i'm not afraid of challenges)

(i'm afraid of failures)

it may sound girly
it may sound gay
it may sound like the estrogens taking over
but really, that's how it really is

isn't it?

and i'm drowning myself inside these shows
no offence
but i really prefer
海派甜心

life of a student
and i want everything to change
for the better of course
and perhaps also my two front teeth, santa

please...

good luck to all of you out there
business boomz!
study boomz!
life boomz!

:)