a little space i call my own

how close

...
was i going to give up typing this
was i going to give up signing in
...

my Opera appears to be loading pretty slow nowadays
can't seem to load even www.blogspot.com
how nasty
but then again, it behaved, and here i am

maybe, just maybe, like the owner
abit slow today, just totally insensitive and slow
then again, not really slow in playing my games
completed "Brave Story" and keeping myself "high" with "DJ Max 2"

i'm just a boy
a boy that is afraid of everything
a boy that doesn't want to face anything
a boy that just want to avoid everything and everyone, today

who is there to help ?
ashame i am, to ask even for a pinch
i don't deserve help
i deserve hell, only

so send me down
that's my life
always on the down side
maybe, just maybe, it will head up

or maybe not...

some stupid thought struck me while on the way home today
if the headlines "NSF ORD-ed from life", and the content is me dead just before this friday 3pm.
when i'm suppose to take my pink IC
will it be a suitable ending for my life? hmmm...

before closing this, just a gentle reminder to myself.
from NUS website.

Going far? Be ready to give up

Sharing his experience with graduands, NUS President Prof Shih Choon Fong passed along some words of wisdom which his mother taught him: "It's very good to want something, but you mustn't want something so much that you can't bear to live without it. To go far, be ready to give up what you already have."

He said this principle has helped him through life. "It taught me to be passionate, but not obsessed; to be determined, but not define myself by either my successes or my failures. I have learned that non-attachment gives the mental and emotional resilience to get beyond failures and setbacks. You can also enjoy your successes without taking yourself too seriously," he said.

"I take comfort in knowing that ultimately, my decisions at each of the crossroads (in his life) were not held back by the familiar, the comfortable, or attachment to what I might have accomplished," he added.

i love these words, somehow
hit me right there
perhaps, NUS might be the right choice afterall
don't want to think so much today

have a good night rest
have a sweet sweet dream

i need a good sleep
or maybe i just need to close them, forever...

just how close am i to death...